There are times when a marriage becomes toxic after several years, even after decades of being together. Marriage can be a tiresome business, what with all the kids and their annoying ways, taking care of the household chores, juggling a number of jobs and side jobs, health issues, in laws and several other kinds of challenges all together. And instead of gunning straight for divorce, many couples choose to take a break from marriage to work out their respective issues, and in legal parlance, this is known as mutual separation.
Case for and against Trial Separation
Some people believe that trial separation can save a marriage from divorce while others feel that it is the perfect recipe for marital disaster, especially for a marriage that is already on the rocks.
There are many people who prefer trial separation because taking a break from marriage can actually revive you and put you back in your spirits. And then there are others who let wasted divorces take place because they are too proud to swallow their ego and judge with a clear head.
Some people feel that in order to work out marital problems and salvage their marriage, a couple needs to stay under the same roof. So separation is out of the question.
On the other hand, some couples start communicating after a separation. Sometimes a partner does not grow as a person when he is still living with his spouse under the same roof. So the other partner has to move out to give him space to grow, become a better human being and also to become more mature and responsible as an individual.
Reasons for Failure
Sometimes the reason why a trial separation fails to unite a warring couple is because the partners involved do not abide by the rules and treat separation as a license to party around like a college kid during spring break and date as many members of the opposite sex as possible.
Trial Separation is a Last Resort
You should reserve trial separation as the last remedy to cure your ailing marriage before proceeding with the divorce procedures. During this separation phase, you should think deep and hard, reflect on yourself and your marriage, analyze your relationship with your spouse and try to find out what went wrong and why.
Spend this time constructively for examining yourself and what you did or didn’t do for your marriage. You should also utilize this time to reflect on your upcoming divorce and how it would affect your life and the life of your kids.
This is also the time to sit down with a professional marriage counselor, talk it out with him. Your counselor will help you stay focused. What you should not do is partying around and making merry during the separation phase as that is not the intent of this separation.
Many couples find that distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder and they are reunited after this separation phase. Others go their different ways as they are unable to work out their problems.
For some information about how you can restore your marriage why not check out this authors article titled “10 Days to a Better Relationship” you may find it helpful!